


Self-Reflection

by Masterofkarate



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Stalking (mention), Substance Abuse, also a little bit of jealousy over dennis b/c whatever, suicide (mention)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2018-10-23
Packaged: 2019-08-06 08:08:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16384412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterofkarate/pseuds/Masterofkarate
Summary: When you’re completely plastered, sitting in the hallway outside of your own apartment, and out of booze- that is the best time to do any sort of self-reflection. Well, that’s how it works for Charlie. That’s how it always worked. Before Frank moved in, the reflecting happened on the pull-out couch at the center of his apartment (often times folded up as a couch when he was too drunk to pull it out), but something about sitting outside, listening to Frank’s depraved noises gave his thoughts more punch.--------a short fic in which charlie's drunk and self-reflects on maybe being an alcoholic.takes place later the same night as the basketball game in The Gang Gives Back (season 2).nothing really happens, just kind of a little delving into charlie's psyche when he actually thinks about himself and his life and his unhappiness.also this one is sad. i'm sorry.





	Self-Reflection

When you’re completely plastered, sitting in the hallway outside of your own apartment, and out of booze- that is the best time to do any sort of self-reflection. Well, that’s how it works for Charlie. That’s how it always worked. Before Frank moved in, the reflecting happened on the pull-out couch at the center of his apartment (often times folded up as a couch when he was too drunk to pull it out), but something about sitting outside, listening to Frank’s depraved noises gave his thoughts more punch.

He was thinking heavily on the stuff he heard in AA. Of course, he wasn’t going because he wanted to, and he didn’t listen because he cared, but after finding out the waitress went, he listened as closely as he could. Maybe he’d be able to come up with something insightful to say that would blow her away and make her fall in love with him, finally. Of course, it didn’t happen. She chose Dennis over him (when doesn’t somebody chose Dennis over him?) and he drank. 

He wasn’t planning on staying sober, but it was kind of shitty to give up that quickly, to disappoint and frustrate the waitress, to make himself even more unloveable in her eyes. Was that his rock bottom? Drinking and throwing his shot away? Or maybe his rock bottom was falling for her in the first place, and pursuing her despite the fact she fucking hates him. Or maybe his rock bottom was whatever made him into such an unlovable person.

He tried to think about the rock bottoms he heard at meetings. There was the one dude who was homeless and wandering through the streets, he ended up at his childhood church and just kind of cried and then went to rehab. There was the one girl who started shooting dope before going to rehab. There was a dude who tried to kill himself and was forced to go to a hospital.

Charlie had never been institutionalized, so maybe he never had a rock bottom. He wasn’t really an alcoholic.

But then he thought some more. Some people didn’t go to hospitals or rehabs, they just lost things. They lost wives, husbands, jobs, homes, friends, everything. Charlie didn’t have much to lose. He couldn’t lose his place or ability to eat, Frank paid his way for the most part now. He wouldn’t lose his friends just because he drank and got high, his friends probably would like him a lot less if he stopped. His mom was his only real family and she would support anything Charlie did, good or bad, if only to see him on the rare occasions she did.

Maybe he didn’t have a rock bottom. Or maybe it was a long, long time ago, back when he was a kid, when he first started getting fucked up. 

Maybe the thing he lost was opportunity. The opportunity to have things worth losing. The opportunity to find a person who actually loved him back, who he didn’t feel the need to stalk in order to win over. The opportunity to find friends he could talk to when he was thinking about like this.

Or maybe he wans’t an alcoholic. Maybe he just never had a rock bottom or lost anything. That was the better way to feel about it. He was starting to sober up too much from thinking like this, and that was no good. He looked in his wallet to find a few crumpled up bills. Not enough to buy beer at the corner store that sells it illegally past two, but enough to walk down to the CVS and buy something worth huffing since he couldn’t get into the apartment for the night. That was good enough for tonight. He’d get high and pass out in the hallway. 

No more thinking tonight, he’d done enough self-reflecting, and he didn’t like it much. Time to get a little high and drift off to sleep, where he could avoid thinking. That was the best thing to do when you’re completely plastered, sitting in the hallway outside of your own apartment, out of booze, and tired of self-reflection. 

**Author's Note:**

> honestly, this was super self-indulgent and a projection fic. i don't really regret it tho. it was sad and fun to write. i hope you felt sad but enjoyed reading it.


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